dont I?

I don’t find that people are putting too much pressure on me.

I actually find that a healthy amount of pressure is good.

OK maybe I sometime get very stressed about school, marks and getting in to university. But I know I can do it. I really do. I have confidence in myself. I just need to work harder. That’s what life is, that’s what success is. Tying harder. Working harder. And I know it sounds like a cruel world. But that’s just what life is. You gotta run to succeed. That how I feel. I feel like I am constantly running. Trying to keep up. Not only with school but with friends. With popularity. I want people to like me. Who doesn’t? But its a struggle too. Once I start trying my hardest to succeed in school. They come up with more faults that I have. Be more social. Be more active. ‘Why didn’t you go to that school dance? Everyone else is going to the school dance. All you do is sit around on the computer.’ ‘You’ve gained weight’ ‘Its not healthy to go on a diet’ Then why did you tell me that I need to lose weight!? Your making me self-conscious too! I cant join any teams, I’m not good enough. People already think I’m weird, I don’t want them to think I’m bad at sports too!

I don’t feel like I have a right to complain. People have is way worse. Why should I complain about a little stress? Okay… Its not okay about stress… its about society and how we expect everyone to be perfect. And if their not, they must be doing something wrong. Media. Perfect skinny models. And the thing is, I listen to them. I know its impossible to be that skinny without being anorexic. But is still try... 

Im reading this post and every other sentence I write is contradicting the other one... Maybe its just me. Im conflicted. 

*sigh* Whatever.